Quotes

If your mouth is wide enough you can do many things!

Everything’s a close button if you try hard enough

A little head trauma is all you need for a fresh perspective!

When you run into the wall afterwards, don’t keep doing it!

Take the fucking elephant

What does blue fire mean, when it’s coming out of a deer? Also, why is there a deer? And should I give it money, or food? Both? I’m gonna go with both… I’ve angered this deer! I’m hiding in the cabinet now! But I think that was a mistake cause there’s some food in here! And I don’t know why the deer wants this food but the other food was bad! I guess it was dog food… ok, point, that was vaguely insulting for the sentient deer! I understand that now, but in my defence I wasn’t the one setting the upholstery on fire, so you know…

Geriatric Star Wars

Butts are ticklish.

Because sometimes you need a little extra butt

It’s like a really tiny lightsaber. -Merryn

Would you like some Sleepytea?
It tastes like socks

The butternut is killing me

There will always be more possession.

Feet are perfectly molestable.

If my feet were bigger, I could touch you.

You smell like ginger nuts.

My laundry is more important than my friends.

Why Internet? I just wanted to look at parasitic twins.

Don’t poke me, I made him dance. -Jay

Your computer may be haunted. -Kit

Oh no, the raptors have learned coding!

He loves his machines, they just don’t reciprocate that in a healthy way! – Piers

Yeah, I’m not flirting with my laptop, that’s just weird – Molly

Just turn around…you’ll need to get on your knees for this to work -Minna

If you see a chair sitting in the snow it’s probably a person -Kit

There was a glitch and we spawned inside each other -Merryn

I would have made a fantastic woman -Oscar

The moment you add a dwarf it becomes kinkier -Minna

Of course, you could have a table made of actual human bones -Minna

Sir, bring back that horse, you can’t take it through the parking lot, and I’ll be like ‘looks like I did’ and then the horse will be frightened cause there are cars and horses are dumb. And then I will have to flee the horse, cause it will have stopped. And then I’ll get into my car!… which I’ll be able to drive legally!… assumably… and then they’ll probably call the cops by that point… so I’ll need to drive quite quickly! At which point… the plan sort of falls apart… but I imagine bribery will work wonders!

Christian Doritos -Phil

I’m the catholic pirate

Alright, I need a blood sacrifice

And that’s why we have a collection of heads

Next time I need a satanic ritual

It doesn’t need to be a blood cult! I’m not gonna go all Aztec on people!

Blood is icky, Molly!

Or is it just cats, straight from the sky, screaming all the way down?

You end up with a lot more dead jaguars before you get to a point where they start landing

A jaguar flood

Are the jaguars organised? Do they have a union?

Collective bargaining for jaguars

His feng-shui was off, he was going to explode anyway

Pineapple influences avocado

Hellspiders, they’re invading.

Timmy was bitten by a radioactive dinosaur. Now he has cancer!

If you put them in the same town, you have wife battles -Merryn

Must collect more unicorns -Jay

Minna’s powerful fingers

Damn them ducklips

Ducks. Setting us all up, the quacky bastards!

All fairness to the nazis – don’t quote me on that – you would wear a skull if you could.

It’s the magic Nazi plane, don’t question it – Molly

If I ever end up crossdressing it will be a poofy disney dress.
-If I ever crossdressed I’d look like a crackwhore.

This is why nobody trusts Finland

Well I didn’t know that giving her a small child would make her think we were gonna raise a family together

Hitler hated mudbloods

It’s the fear of the unknown that turns you into a tree when you give up.

Emu War 3 – the Return of the Emu

Emu War 4 – the Son of the Emu

A bronze anvil falling from heaven will take 33 days to reach the earth

Souls can’t ferment because they’re already spirits -Calum

Sir, why a spoon?
– It’s blunt, it’ll hurt more

Relax, chase me, relax, byebye

Do you have an eyebrow on your elbow?

Are you saying Lenin was Santa Claus?

So you’re going to live in Japan for a while?
-Yeah, it’ll be fine, I´ve got Anuk.

Aslan could take Jesus in a fight

And then Jesus came back after three days and said ‘check out my left hook’ and kicked the devil’s ass and the apostles were all like “woooh” and saw that was good – Piers

And so the lord said ‘Sigourney Weaver get back here’ and the flames did burn and it was good. Amen.

And so Jesus said ‘oh god, no, not the Vikings!’ – Piers

The hat came from the juice

Feel the subtle bumps of Nerdverse.

– The crotch bulge was the dream! The crotch bulge was the friends we made along the way!

– That’s going into the quote book

– Damnit you can’t use what I say about David Bowie against me! That’s below the belt. Literally.

We have so much trash

Space commies!! – Jay

You have to plan your anarchist rebellion, otherwise it’s just chaos!

Orbital dropbear – Piers

You just launch the bear

You forget this is the 80s, there are no morals! – Harry

Oh I know what you’re on about, then three turns later I’m covered in glue and I’m saying ‘what the fuck is going on?’

It’s not my fault. I open my mouth and things come out – Piers

To the Stuartmobile!

They bulldozed Elmo’s will and put a jumbajuice the fuckers

Everything was fine for little Timmy’s bar mitzvah until someone brought the uzi and Luke Cage started to flex

What if we find a honey badger that’s definitely a dick. It didn’t show up to its court hearing, it never returned its library books.

Children are scary. That’s what makes adults scary: they’re just very large children.

When he starts to ribbit, you’re doing it right

I get that actual adult women are scary, because they actually talk back

Maybe just don’t breed!

Cause you can’t join a lame cult. It has to be a cool one. Except if Jack Black’s a panda

How do you think they explained puberty to Pinocchio?

It’s all fun and game until the doctor tells you you have time traveller radiation, and it can regenerate daleks, and your health plan apparently DOESN’T COVER this kind of thing!

I don’t come into your home and judge you… as far as you know

I forgot I set my kitchen lights to satanic

I will put you in a dress and cut off your limbs. And I’ll call you princess stumpy.

I’m so excited I’m jump cutting. I’ve had days like that

That’s the worse necrophilia joke I made

First you get a box. Then you put a child in the box. He might not be dead before but once you seal the box he’s definitely going to die

I don’t want to be insane! It’s too early in the day for that!

The song it’s raining men hallelujah? Yeah, the casualties are pretty horrific

We have angered the costa express machine, it’s becoming territorial

Get the cat *off the synth machine*

Limbo wasn’t the answer to bullets, who knew?

But they have so much chemistry! Like a brick… and another brick

Remember kids, if dramatic music starts playing when you’re hugging a parental figure… hug tighter

This is a family friendly genocide

Anyone who’s spent some time with the anime society has learned something like ‘haha, paedophilia’ – Piers

All I’m saying is: why should horses have all the best tranquillisers?

– This is a llama!

– It’s an alpaca but fair enough

– Ah, a budget llama!

If I hear about someone breaking people’s heads with an 8 ball staff I’ll know Stuart has turned to crime. And I won’t say anything but you better invite me to your volcano base! Or knowing your theme it’s gonna be a bird cage over the city. – Piers

Now I’m thinking of gerbil propaganda, tiny projectors and loud squeaking that sounds cute and somehow elegant

Ok that’s enough child murder for one night

Look at me I’m world war two!

I mean, would pug smuggling have to cut between Kansas and Oregon?

For no reason but spite. That’s the Nerdverse way!

But what if I want to play as a double agent for the dinosaurs? – Stuart

She studied under the Black Widow school of scissoring everything

It’s not truly a Disney movie until someone strips