If your mouth is wide enough you can do many things!
Everything’s a close button if you try hard enough
A little head trauma is all you need for a fresh perspective!
When you run into the wall afterwards, don’t keep doing it!
Take the fucking elephant
What does blue fire mean, when it’s coming out of a deer? Also, why is there a deer? And should I give it money, or food? Both? I’m gonna go with both… I’ve angered this deer! I’m hiding in the cabinet now! But I think that was a mistake cause there’s some food in here! And I don’t know why the deer wants this food but the other food was bad! I guess it was dog food… ok, point, that was vaguely insulting for the sentient deer! I understand that now, but in my defence I wasn’t the one setting the upholstery on fire, so you know…
Geriatric Star Wars
Butts are ticklish.
Because sometimes you need a little extra butt
It’s like a really tiny lightsaber. -Merryn
Would you like some Sleepytea?
It tastes like socks
The butternut is killing me
There will always be more possession.
Feet are perfectly molestable.
If my feet were bigger, I could touch you.
You smell like ginger nuts.
My laundry is more important than my friends.
Why Internet? I just wanted to look at parasitic twins.
Don’t poke me, I made him dance. -Jay
Your computer may be haunted. -Kit
Oh no, the raptors have learned coding!
He loves his machines, they just don’t reciprocate that in a healthy way! – Piers
Yeah, I’m not flirting with my laptop, that’s just weird – Molly
Just turn around…you’ll need to get on your knees for this to work -Minna
If you see a chair sitting in the snow it’s probably a person -Kit
There was a glitch and we spawned inside each other -Merryn
I would have made a fantastic woman -Oscar
The moment you add a dwarf it becomes kinkier -Minna
Of course, you could have a table made of actual human bones -Minna
Sir, bring back that horse, you can’t take it through the parking lot, and I’ll be like ‘looks like I did’ and then the horse will be frightened cause there are cars and horses are dumb. And then I will have to flee the horse, cause it will have stopped. And then I’ll get into my car!… which I’ll be able to drive legally!… assumably… and then they’ll probably call the cops by that point… so I’ll need to drive quite quickly! At which point… the plan sort of falls apart… but I imagine bribery will work wonders!
Christian Doritos -Phil
I’m the catholic pirate
Alright, I need a blood sacrifice
And that’s why we have a collection of heads
Next time I need a satanic ritual
It doesn’t need to be a blood cult! I’m not gonna go all Aztec on people!
Blood is icky, Molly!
Or is it just cats, straight from the sky, screaming all the way down?
You end up with a lot more dead jaguars before you get to a point where they start landing
A jaguar flood
Are the jaguars organised? Do they have a union?
Collective bargaining for jaguars
His feng-shui was off, he was going to explode anyway
Pineapple influences avocado
Hellspiders, they’re invading.
Timmy was bitten by a radioactive dinosaur. Now he has cancer!
If you put them in the same town, you have wife battles -Merryn
Must collect more unicorns -Jay
Minna’s powerful fingers
Damn them ducklips
Ducks. Setting us all up, the quacky bastards!
All fairness to the nazis – don’t quote me on that – you would wear a skull if you could.
It’s the magic Nazi plane, don’t question it – Molly
If I ever end up crossdressing it will be a poofy disney dress.
-If I ever crossdressed I’d look like a crackwhore.
This is why nobody trusts Finland
Well I didn’t know that giving her a small child would make her think we were gonna raise a family together
Hitler hated mudbloods
It’s the fear of the unknown that turns you into a tree when you give up.
Emu War 3 – the Return of the Emu
Emu War 4 – the Son of the Emu
A bronze anvil falling from heaven will take 33 days to reach the earth
Souls can’t ferment because they’re already spirits -Calum
Sir, why a spoon?
– It’s blunt, it’ll hurt more
Relax, chase me, relax, byebye
Do you have an eyebrow on your elbow?
Are you saying Lenin was Santa Claus?
So you’re going to live in Japan for a while?
-Yeah, it’ll be fine, I´ve got Anuk.
Aslan could take Jesus in a fight
And then Jesus came back after three days and said ‘check out my left hook’ and kicked the devil’s ass and the apostles were all like “woooh” and saw that was good – Piers
And so the lord said ‘Sigourney Weaver get back here’ and the flames did burn and it was good. Amen.
And so Jesus said ‘oh god, no, not the Vikings!’ – Piers
The hat came from the juice
Feel the subtle bumps of Nerdverse.
– The crotch bulge was the dream! The crotch bulge was the friends we made along the way!
– That’s going into the quote book
– Damnit you can’t use what I say about David Bowie against me! That’s below the belt. Literally.
We have so much trash
Space commies!! – Jay
You have to plan your anarchist rebellion, otherwise it’s just chaos!
Orbital dropbear – Piers
You just launch the bear
You forget this is the 80s, there are no morals! – Harry
Oh I know what you’re on about, then three turns later I’m covered in glue and I’m saying ‘what the fuck is going on?’
It’s not my fault. I open my mouth and things come out – Piers
To the Stuartmobile!
They bulldozed Elmo’s will and put a jumbajuice the fuckers
Everything was fine for little Timmy’s bar mitzvah until someone brought the uzi and Luke Cage started to flex
What if we find a honey badger that’s definitely a dick. It didn’t show up to its court hearing, it never returned its library books.
Children are scary. That’s what makes adults scary: they’re just very large children.
When he starts to ribbit, you’re doing it right
I get that actual adult women are scary, because they actually talk back
Maybe just don’t breed!
Cause you can’t join a lame cult. It has to be a cool one. Except if Jack Black’s a panda
How do you think they explained puberty to Pinocchio?
It’s all fun and game until the doctor tells you you have time traveller radiation, and it can regenerate daleks, and your health plan apparently DOESN’T COVER this kind of thing!
I don’t come into your home and judge you… as far as you know
I forgot I set my kitchen lights to satanic
I will put you in a dress and cut off your limbs. And I’ll call you princess stumpy.
I’m so excited I’m jump cutting. I’ve had days like that
That’s the worse necrophilia joke I made
First you get a box. Then you put a child in the box. He might not be dead before but once you seal the box he’s definitely going to die
I don’t want to be insane! It’s too early in the day for that!
The song it’s raining men hallelujah? Yeah, the casualties are pretty horrific
We have angered the costa express machine, it’s becoming territorial
Get the cat *off the synth machine*
Limbo wasn’t the answer to bullets, who knew?
But they have so much chemistry! Like a brick… and another brick
Remember kids, if dramatic music starts playing when you’re hugging a parental figure… hug tighter
This is a family friendly genocide
Anyone who’s spent some time with the anime society has learned something like ‘haha, paedophilia’ – Piers
All I’m saying is: why should horses have all the best tranquillisers?
– This is a llama!
– It’s an alpaca but fair enough
– Ah, a budget llama!
If I hear about someone breaking people’s heads with an 8 ball staff I’ll know Stuart has turned to crime. And I won’t say anything but you better invite me to your volcano base! Or knowing your theme it’s gonna be a bird cage over the city. – Piers
Now I’m thinking of gerbil propaganda, tiny projectors and loud squeaking that sounds cute and somehow elegant
Ok that’s enough child murder for one night
Look at me I’m world war two!
I mean, would pug smuggling have to cut between Kansas and Oregon?
For no reason but spite. That’s the Nerdverse way!
But what if I want to play as a double agent for the dinosaurs? – Stuart
She studied under the Black Widow school of scissoring everything
It’s not truly a Disney movie until someone strips